Having a committed fulfilling marriage doesn’t come about by accident. It doesn’t just happen. Priorities must align with your desires. Set your attention and energy on creating the marriage of your dreams.
Take a moment. List 5 words to best describe your feelings regarding your marriage.
Are you exhausted or exhilarated?
Passionate or indifferent?
Content or depressed?
Committed or ambivalent?
Fulfilled or empty?
Take another moment. Ask yourself…”Do I give my partner the BEST of me or just the REST of me?”
- Do I give my partner the BEST of my affection? Do I take time to demonstrate my love with hugs, kisses, and sweet words? Do I plan times to be alone or fun date nights?
Do I give my partner the REST of my affection? Do I rush out of the house without any sign of affection or reminder of connection? Do I withhold my affection when I am frustrated or angry?
- Do I give my partner the BEST of my communication? Do I make my needs known with my words? Do I listen without distraction? Do I share my dreams, fears, and hopes?
Do I give my partner the REST of my communication? Do I hush him when he interferes with what I am doing? Do I put TV, computer, friends, family, or my work ahead of him? Do I give him the cold shoulder and withhold my words when I am angry?
- Do I give my partner the BEST of my commitment? Do I prioritize my marital relationship and align my day with what supports the good of my marriage? Do I recognize the beauty of my partner and the characteristics that attract me to him? Do I stay away from temptation or envy by nourishing my relationship and recognizing that the grass is not greener in someone else’s garden?
Do I give my partner the REST of my commitment? Do I constantly put my spouse after my children, friends, work, or entertainment? Do I look at other people inappropriately and comment about their attractiveness? Do I make unkind comparisons? Do I indicate by my words, eyes, or deeds that I could be led to stray? Do I consistently prioritize any activity or person over my marriage?
- Do I give my partner the BEST of my spirituality? Do I pray for my marriage? Do I pray for the best welfare of my spouse? Do I demonstrate Biblical principles of love, kindness, dedication, and loyalty? Do I honor my marriage and understand it is a covenant with God? Do I spend time developing Christian friendships that will support my marriage?
Do I give my partner the REST of my spirituality? Do I put my trust in myself rather than God? Do I allow human feelings of envy, fear, jealousy, and selfishness to dictate my words and actions? Do I treat my partner with less respect than I would give a friend, co-worker, acquaintance, or even an enemy? Do I associate with friends who encourage me to think selfishly and to dishonor my marriage vows?
- Do I give my partner the BEST of my time? Do I plan time to eat together and share our day? Do I get plenty of rest, good nourishment, and healthy activity to have the energy to be fully present? Do I set aside time to ask how things are going and to listen without distraction? Do I create a safe space for intimacy and affection?
Do I give my partner the REST of my time? Do I give all my time and energy away? Do I eat less than nourishing foods that sap my energy and take away my confidence and health? Do I prioritize my children, friends, sports, or anything else over time with my spouse? Do I stay on my phone or computer when I am with my spouse? Am I too tired to enjoy intimacy or affection?
Pause. List 5 priorities that you’d like to achieve in your marriage. When you are planning your day, as things come up, first compare them to your list. If it isn’t in alignment with your priorities give yourself permission to let it go. You can’t give your BEST if you have already given everything away. Remember, wherever you put your attention and energy, you will attract what you desire.